Shelley was going to the annual Miss WoolWitch competition, and this year, she was going to win. It was basically a Halloween party at her local in Woolwich, but also sponsored by ‘Fleece You’, a leading knitwear catalogue. The winner got a year’s modelling contract with the catalogue, and the girl that won in ’96 made it big at Argos.
Shelley had asked her Gran to knit her a woollen bikini, sure it chaffed a little, but she looked hot. All she needed to top it off was a freshly sprayed tan. Shelley entered Wu Tan Klan, the most prestigious tanning salon on her high street. The bakery next door was filled with ghostly biscuits, pumpkin cakes and green gelatinous desserts. In fact the whole high street was strewn with festive decoration, except the salon.
“This place is like well drab innit?” whinged Shelley. The girl at the counter glared at her.
“They run out of pumpkins in Netto”.
“Give us a tan then, I’m gonna be this year’s Miss WoolWitch.
The girl nodded towards a booth. “Take off your clothes and try not to breathe.
Shelley took everything off, without bothering to fully close the modesty curtain, and stepped into the booth. The door slammed shut behind her and the machine whirred into action. Tanning solution was sprayed all around her. Shelley posed with her arms above her head, then bent over so that all her crevices were covered. After a few minutes of continuous spraying, Shelley called out.
“I only wanted a light tan, I ain’t foreign”
But there was no response. Shelley felt for the doorhandle, but it seemed there was none. She was choking, losing air, the booth filled with tanning spray, as though it had been made airtight. It was going in her eyes now as she tried to look for an emergency stop button, a way out. Her head was swimming.
And then the door opened.
“Sorry I was on the phone – you done?” asked the girl innocently.
“You daft bint, I almost died in there” screeched Shelley as she struggled for air. “Let’s have look then?” Shelley stood in front of the mirror, bleary eyed and bright orange. “You cow, I look like a fruit! I look like a pumpkin!”
“Happy Halloween,” said the counter girl, as the picked up a pair of hairdressing scissor and stabbed Shelley in the throat.
It took the girl a couple of hours to snip all the way through Shelley’s neck, then scoop out the brains and eyes. She placed a cinnamon scented tealight in her mouth, then arranged her newly made Jack O Lantern in the salon window. She admired her work. “Very festive,” said the girl.